Posts filed under 'Parenting'
It seems that a favorite past-time of women is to predict the gender of unborn babies. There are all kinds of methods including the dangling of rings over the belly to Chinese birth charts using age of mother and conception dates. Men don’t seem to partake in this game since it’s about as fun as flipping a coin and with similar odds. Many assume that men would rather have a boy, perhaps thinking they would better relate to one of their own gender. The truth is, that most importantly the father wants his baby to resemble himself more than say, the mailman.
My favorite wives’ tale of gender prediction is “the carry.” The thought is that if a woman is “all stomach”, appearing rather normal except for what seems to be a basketball shoved into her shirt, that she is likely having a boy. However, if the mother fills out all over, she is likely having a girl. I have decided that these widely accepted theories are nothing more than a polite way for women to describe a glowing new mother in a more diplomatic manner. So whenever you hear “you must be having a girl,” what they are really saying is, “wow, your ass got big!”
Regardless of how a pregnant woman is carrying, here are a few questions they never want to hear:
- Are you having twins?
- Are you sure you have two months to go?
- Is that embryonic fluid dripping down your leg?
May 24th, 2007
One of the big issues between creationists and evolutionists is the age of the Earth. Adding up all of the “who begot who” in the bible has the age of the Earth being around 6,000 years old. Science tells us that it’s at least “a bit” older than that.
Many of our notions about the Earth’s history are shaped in our early childhood. I think we can all recall toys, stories, and cartoons depicting “cavemen” coexisting (often not very peacefully) with dinosaurs. I mean really–the Flintstones even employed dinosaurs as household appliances. It’s no better today. My son has some toys called “B.C. Builders
” built on this very premise. I am trying to figure out how to expain that dinosaurs and cavemen were not around at the same time. How is my 3-year old son to realize this major historical inaccuracy when he doesn’t even appreciate the irony that his plastic parasoralphous is derived from actual dinosaurs? Irony is wasted on toddlers.
Things haven’t changed much since we were kids–except maybe that the Brontosaurus is now the Apatosaurus. And although there actually were flying dinosaurs called Pterodactyls, all I hear about is the Pteranodons. What’s up with that?
I am ready if I every get asked why Noah didn’t bring any dinosaurs on the ark–”there wasn’t enough room.”
It’s no wonder so many are confused.
April 5th, 2007
A Massachusetts elementary school has banned the game of “tag” during recess. That’s just crazy. Of course there is a concern for safety and probably the self-esteem for the child who is always “it”, but c’mon, playing tag is a classic recess game–no equipment or special field, and playable with any amount of participants. (willing or not).
Kids need to play games and run around. Sometimes when they run they fall. Sometimes they bump into each other. Sometime they even get hurt. This is how they learn and grow and become physically active. We lock up our kids inside enough protecting them from the terrible world. They are eating junk and getting fat and we are not telling them to sit still and don’t move too quick or you might get hurt.
All parents are cautious, but when I see my 3-year old chasing my 1-year old, they are both laughing and having a great time. They need to learn about what too fast is and playing too rough so they can behave appropriately.
When I was in elementary school we have a friendly, tag-like game called “kill the guy with the ball.” Someone was given the ball, and the rest of us chased him and dog-piled until someone else stole the ball and ran away. I never understood the motivation to actually want the ball. In junior high, we had a gym class activity that was officially called “war ball” by the gym teachers. This was what we consider official dodge ball today.
I’m sure my grandfathers played games like “beat the guy with the stick”, but my point is that we probably shouldn’t be progressing to games called “sit quietly in place and avoid any eye contact that might hurt another’s feelings.”
Ease up people.
Not it Mass. elementary school bans tag - Yahoo News
October 18th, 2006
The Internet is a great place to propagate funny stories. The Darwin Awards is a website that collects stories that are entertaining, but in a tragic way.
“We salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it. Of necessity, this honor is generally bestowed posthumously.”
I think I remember some of the earliest stories that were distributed by email. Probably the most famous story being the guy who mounted a JATO rocket engine to his car and launched himself into the side of a mountain.
If you enjoy those police chase shows, you will probably enjoy reading about the things that people do that unexpectedly end their lives.
Being a male, I can recall the many foolish things that I had done as a teenager:
In eighth grade, my friends and I were at “the lake” engaging in a basic activity of lighting a fire in a large drainage pipe. We were using dried reeds that we lit with a BIC lighter. As we took turns feeding the fire with handfuls of reeds, someone (probably me) tossed the seemingly empty lighter into the pipe. Our unbeknownst game of Russian Roulette ended when, on one of my turns, a giant fire ball shot out of the pipe into my face. I saw the flame and ducked. I opened my eyes to find the faces of my friends first with concern and then with laughter. I was not burned, but my hair and eyebrows were quite singed! The smell was terrible. I could not see what a mess I was, and as we walked back home, I can remember my friends reassuring me that I looked fine – as they continued to giggle. The worst injury I received was what looked like a terrible haircut.
I wasn’t trying to perform these stunts, but being young and male provides a lack of fear or forethought. Not until college did I purposely attempt stunts, with limited success such as: being tumble dried in a dorm clothes dryer; rolling down the stairs in a garbage can; and the incredibly stupid climbing from one balcony to another.
If we live to reflect upon our past mistakes, we should learn from them, and even teach others. Now, as the father of two young boys, I cringe as I read these stories knowing that half of their genetic code and all of their gender will be working against them. I hope the Darwin Awards will be around in years to come so that when they become teenagers I can force them to read about what NOT to do. Knowing my luck it will just give them ideas.
The Darwin Awards can be found here.
May 19th, 2006
I’m not going to use the word “Oops”, but Britney Spears is now the hot topic for child safety. I have to admit that having your baby sit on your lap while driving is bad, but now she is being criticized for her baby’s car seat orientation. As a parent, I realize that you already have two too many people criticizing your parenting: your mother and your mother in-law.
Sure, parenting has changed over the past thousand years, but I don’t remember ANY child safety seats when I was a toddler. If you sat in the front seat (gasp), you didn’t wear a seat belt because nobody did. Your mother was trained that when she slammed on the brakes, it was her duty to forego the honking of the horn and immediately extend her right arm across all of the occupants of the front seat, thus producing the necessary restraint and preventing the projection of children through the windshield. As we got older and more fidgety, we spent our time in the back seat making complaints like, “he’s touching me!” In this case, no safety was required for we had the large, front bench-style seat to protect us. In fact, to get the best view, we often stood behind the seat adding to the fun.
Now we have infant car seats, toddler car seats, small children seats, etc. The Latch System is now as standard a feature as cupholders. Hospitals won’t even let you take your baby out of the hospital without one. They don’t seem to care if you are driving them home on a motorcycle, just as long as they are strapped into a “baby bucket.” Now I understand why infants should face rearwards as they don’t have the neck strength and slamming on their breaks would injure their them. Before airbags, we could place them in the front seat so you could at least see their face. It’s ironic that now the airbags used to protect adult passengers can be deadly to our precious cargo.
As a first-time parent, you need to constantly see your baby to make sure they are simply breathing. Sometimes you visit them in the middle of the night and wake them just to check. I knew things were different with our second child when bringing him home, my wife and I were both in the front seat; baby in back (rear facing of course). I stated that I couldn’t see him and she said, “He’s fine.”
Now they have mirrors that you can mount so that you can look in your rear-view mirror and see another mirror that allows you to see the baby while you are driving. Lining these up requires a degree in optics however. I also learned that I can also use this double mirror setup to see back out through my windshield. If they ever move the steering wheel into the trunk, I will be ready.
Back to Britney. As a busy, 24 year old mother, she has a lot going on, plus a new baby on the way. It’s easy to criticize - I could even raise a few more “questions”:
- Is that baby wearing sunscreen?
- When was the last time he was fed or changed?
- Were those clothes washed in Dreft?
In my humble parenting opinion, when the kid is over 20 pounds and can hold his head up, he is too big for an infant car seat and can graduate to the front-facing car seat. But hey! How about a hat?
I’m sure glad that I’m not followed around by photographers so that the world can scrutinize my parenting methods — I have a wife for that. 
May 17th, 2006
